Handling Rumination
Hi friend. Does this sound familiar at all? You have a conversation and then after it has ended, you find yourself replaying it in your mind. Maybe you said something you wish you hadn't, or maybe you didn't say something you wished you had. And then you just feel stuck and hopeless, shameful about the whole thing and you wish you could get it outta your head.
Yeah, me too!
I tend to ruminate. I go over and over the same situation. Again and again. Analyzing my actions and words. Sure, this is ok to do maybe once, so I can pick out any lessons learned to take with me into the rest of my life... but the part where I keep mentally beating myself up repeatedly AFTER I've already realized the lessons, is the unhealthy part that is not serving me or my highest good.
My therapist (she's the best! do you go to therapy? if not, I highly recommend it!) suggested this lil exercise to help me when I find myself hitting the replay button on these movies inside my head. It's helped me so much and I thought you may find value in it as well.
Notice the Behavior
The first step is to notice when I am feeling activated or triggered by a repeating scenario in my head.
First Timer?
If this is my first instance in noticing this particular trigger, it's time to take it to the journal for some reflection. What can I learn from this situation? Have my boundaries been crossed? How would I prefer to handle myself in similar situations in the future? How do I feel? Am I noticing any sensations in my body? It is important to treat myself with compassion and loving kindness, knowing that I did my best at the time and that I can take this new information with me into future scenarios.
I’m ruminating again…
If I'm replaying a movie in my head and I've already done the above, extracted what I need to learn from the situation, then the next step is to ask myself, "Is there any new information?" Did anything relevant come up between now and then concerning that situation? If not, I can just remind myself of the lessons learned and that I do not need to re-evaluate. I already got what I needed from it and I'm confident I can move on. In this situation, I whisper a little "stop" to myself which puts an end to the movie and I choose to move my thoughts on to something more useful. Hit the stop button on the VCR in your mind, baby!
Back with more info
If there is new information or any feelings or sensations in my body, then I give myself permission to explore them (typically in journaling because that works well for me) and add any new insights to my original conclusion.
Be open & receptive to what you need
I then follow up with asking myself "What do I need right now?" and/or "How can I nurture this part of myself?" It's important to be curious; to allow an answer to come now or leave space open for it to show up at a later time.
Bonus introspection
Another goodie is to look at this replaying scenario and ask myself if it is triggering because of external conditioning or because it's in conflict with my internal compass. Am I trying to please others or am I acting authentically? This is a juicy one to explore!
Benefits
This process not only helps me cut the cord on rumination, it also helps build trust and confidence in myself. If there is no new information, I can be confident in my initial evaluation and free myself of thinking about the same thing repeatedly. If there is new information, I use it to beef up my original insights. And then I'm done; I can confidently put the situation out of my mind and move on to other more important things. Cuz ya gurl ain't got time to sit around thinking about the same thing and feeling stuck in the mud all day. I've got other shit I'd rather do ;) and I'd bet that you feel similarly.
Do you notice times in your life when you play situations on repeat in your mind? I'd love to hear if you try out this process and how it goes!
Consciously connected,
Brigitte
This Week's Conscious Collection
A curation of my latest favs and interests.
I just found out I'm really into the cello by stumbling across Lluis Martinez Ten playing live on Insight Timer. I've been enjoying both meditating to his music and casually listening to this album on Spotify.
Yo, this NYT no-knead bread recipe is the first loaf of bread I've ever baked on my own and wowee am I impressed! It was simple- just takes a lil patience for it to rise/ferment on the counter. It was so delicious that I am now in charge of bringing the bread for all my partner's family gatherings.
The above-mentioned bread recipe calls for plastic wrap during the rise. Plastic wrap is not sustainable, so we've swapped ours out for reusable food wrap! Works like a charm! There are wraps made with bees wax and vegan wax options. Just do a lil research to make sure the wax is sustainably harvested (watch out for carnauba wax from Brazilian palms).
